My Hands

when i look my Praying Hands i see
i see The G-d that has bent my knee
i see The Way, The Truth and The Light
when I use my Praying Hands

when i look at my Praising Hands i see
i see the miracle of being me
i see The Way, The Truth, and The Light
when i use my Praising Hands

when i look at my Helping Hands I see
i see the Christ that has died for me
i see The Way, The Truth and The Light
when i use my Helping Hands

My Adoption Experience



Joan M Bunney

Giving up my newborn  baby boy for adoption  in 1967 was the single most impacting event of my life. As unwed mothers in that era, we wore the proverbial scarlet letter on our sleeves. We were marked, judged harshly by everyone -- society, our family, even some of our friends.

For a period of 32 years until my son and I were reunited, every imaginable lesson,  positive and negative,  made me who I am today.  I wrestled with weight gains, depression, and most of all a devastating guilt for what I'd done.

Last year, at 64, I wrote a book to bare my soul and share what I've learned and applied with other women. Shattering the dogma and changing perceptions is my passion.  As women we share a common bond and the time has come for us to step into our magnificence . Life is just beginning at 65. Oh Joy!

~Joan M Bunney
  JoanBunney@hotmail.com
  Sexy in Your 60s

Happiness To Last A Lifetime

Children are naturally happy. We watch their sweet little faces light up with joy, and marvel at their wild energy. We were all once children, romping just like the youngsters we see all around us. Somehow, that joy gets lost as we mature.

Hattie RetroAge

Just like most people, I’ve endured episodes of sadness and depression. There were times that my physical and emotional pain felt unendurable, and I prayed for death. My life seemed doomed… a never-ending spiral descending to the depths of despair.

Radical action was called for. I tried everything … therapists, love affairs, shopping, praying, St. John’s Wort, cappuccino … but the unhappiness never budged. It acted like it had found a rent-controlled apartment, and wasn’t intending to move!

I love joy, excitement, pleasure and set out to find the Fountain of Happiness. Mostly we think of finding the Fountain of Youth, but I’d already drunk gallons from that source, and the youth part was doing just fine. But the joy part was still missing, and though I looked and felt younger than my years, happiness was eluding me. I had to re-awaken my spirit.

Was that even possible?

YES, one’s spirit can be re-awakened. It takes work, dedication and trust.

First, clearly state your desire/need. Write it down and read it aloud several times a day. After all, how can you expect the Universe to help unless you’re clear about what you’re asking for?

Then, hold tight to my Hattietude:

IMPOSSIBLE = I’M POSSIBLE

This was my very first affirmation, since restoring my youthful joy, energy and wonder seemed impossible.
Rest and wait for guidance … it WILL SHOW UP and guide you to a new consciousness.

For me, it was a voice from inside my mind that assured me that my quest would be fulfilled. I was told that I would achieve happiness if I mastered self-love, trust, and being grateful for my journey … no matter what.
This was asking for true surrender, and I wasn’t certain that I could become a gracious and grateful woman. For most of my adult life, I had been kvetching and complaining and crying and agonizing. How could I turn that around?

It was time to buckle down and get rid of all ugly behavior. I began to carefully monitor my thoughts and behavior … WITHOUT JUDGEMENT. It became obvious that there were many times that I was nasty, impatient, angry, ungrateful, bratty … all the familiar human traits that sour our Higher Selves. I realized that if this negative and judgmental M.O. persisted, it would backfire and I would remain unhappy. So whenever I allowed myself to be mean, unforgiving, cold, insensitive, I SWITCHED MY BEHAVIOR.

Although I was changing my behavior and thoughts, I was neglecting to LOVE AND RESPECT MYSELF through this process. After all, this Earth journey ain’t a perpetual party. Without being narcissistic or vain, it was essential for me to honor and love myself for being courageous enough to take on this spiritually divine task. I had to stop feeling inadequate and insecure for all my flaws and shortcomings. And you can bet I have many!

I suspect you are plagued with self-doubt and negative feelings about yourself. Most humans are. I’d like you to observe how often you judge yourself harshly. I’m pretty sure the answer will be “often”.

Remind yourself that lack of self-love doesn’t happen naturally. We’ve spent years learning to hate ourselves and others. The media contributes to this, as it bombards us with anorectic models, botoxed faces and fashions whose prices rival monthly rent payments.

So, to feel better, I focused on developing self-love.

Regrettably that didn’t work. I was still unhappy.

The reason?

It wasn’t enough to love myself, I had to learn to love others. I was still being mean to others and judging them harshly. As long as I continued to dislike, hate, criticize, complain, and be jealous of others, my own happiness was imperiled.

As I looked around me, I saw sadness in faces around me. I decided to greet them with a huge smile on my face. If I couldn’t be happy myself, at least I could help make others feel better. I practiced smiling at everyone as I walked down the street. I even stopped cursing cab drivers! (I count that as a major achievement!).

Transforming from being sour and judgmental to being sweet and loving to others was no easy task. I had been accustomed to finding fault with others … and, what’s more … letting them know about it!
Henceforth, whenever I find myself nastily judging people for any number of reasons, I shift and find beauty in each and every one of them.

This is my answer.

Being kind and loving to others has blessed me with the sought-after happiness. With this shift, a smile now graces my face, and I feel at peace for the first time in decades.

And, surprise … as a sweet bonus, my newly smiling face glowed with beauty.

Yours will too!

Being kind, appreciative, grateful and loving is the answer to achieving happiness for a lifetime.

Give it a try, and write me at hattie@hattieretroage.com to let me know what you experienced.

~Hattie RetroAge
  Holistically Hattie

Introducing Joan M Bunney: Couger Advocating Change

Joan M Bunney

We recently wrote about how we met and will shortly be introducing the work of Hattie Retroage here at TJP.  When we initially contacted and introduced TJP to Hattie, we had no way of knowing that she would distribute our self-written letter of introduction to a like-minded woman and author Joan M Bunney.  Joan promptly contacted us:

Dear Jane:

I am a friend of Hattie Retro-age, and like her, choose to reverse the aging process naturally, no chemicals or toxins allowed in or on my body.

I'm also an advocate for social change and speak out on relevant issues all having to do with the children's well being. Born in 1945 I've watched this health epidemic of the body and mind happen over the decades.

I wrote a book, Sexy InYour60s, to share with others, women especially, what I've learned and applied and why I'm growing young not old; a new mindset.

I've been to your website and would love to contribute, be a part of your blog. The 'older' I get the more relevant the subject matter. The elder woman is stepping forward to share accrued wisdom that will help to make change happen.

I've attached my media bio, my Sexy In Your 60s website that holds my book and journey thus far. I am just beginning the second half of life. The ancient goddess cultures tell us the seasoned woman is in her mastery at this stage of life. My purpose is to awaken women of all ages to this truth by using myself, much as Hattie does, as a live testimonial.

About to launch a new website, AgelessCougar.com to celebrate the cougar woman rather than demean her. Like Hattie, I've been attracted to and dating younger men for a quarter century. The website in part will dissuade the naysayers and the bad press. The rewards of aging are endless. ...

Best regards,

Joan M Bunney
Author, Speaker, Advocate for Social Change
JoanBunney@hotmail.com
http://www.sexyinyour60s.com/

Joan and the admins have corresponded in more depth since receiving her initial e-mail, and we're quite pleased to introduce Joan to TJP!

We are excited to see her work and grow from her contributions. 

~Riot.Jane

The Story of Tink & Pink

"The Story of Tink & Pink" is the story of a dachsund who adopts a piglet.  The story itself is true, although not mine.  The woman who was lucky enough to have Tink & Pink shared the story and photos online while it unfolded.  Later she published a childrens' book about it.

After stumbling on a piece of it in a forum somewhere, I dug around until I'd read everything I could find.  The story is lovely and inspiring, and I thought that I'd share it as widely as possible.  I've retold it here in the form of a children's story, suitable for reading out loud to a child while watching the presentation..

Be sure your sound is turned on!  To view full-screen (which will make the text easier to read), click the in the lower-right of the media box below.

The Story of Tink and Pink

~Riot.Jane

After the Rain

I am not a feminist. I have no problems with feminism, it's just a little rigid for me. I have always admired feminists, and have no problems with them, but I believe that I'm more for equality across the bored . . . except for assholes . . . but I digress. Not. A. Feminist. I just wanted that out of the way.

So, you won't be too disappointed in me when I say that I'm lonely. I'm not alone at all, and I have plenty of companionship, but I am lonely for a husband . . . or maybe an ideal . . . I'm not really sure. Let me tell you a story:

A long time ago, I fell in Love. I'm not capitalizing it out of some sappy ideal or stupid unrealistic idea about life, I was actually head over heels, having serious co-dependency issues, goofy in Love. He was The One, my everything. Problem was, he only loved me, and, therefore, he could live without me. Too many years have passed for me to untangle his motives out of all that, suffice to say that he was resolute enough in his beliefs that he ended it despite my begging him not to.

I fell apart a whole lot. I don't know what I would have done if a friend hadn't taken me in. I found that I tend to hyper-focus on lyrics* when I'm upset. I remember really agonizing over some doozies like:

Well, I guess you left me with some feathers in my hand
Did it make you any easier to just leave me where I stand?

or

If I could be with you again,
I would fall all over you like rain

or

You look like shit, what's your problem bitch?
Your legs feel like sandpaper, you can't do anything right

Cheerful stuff, right? Let's just say that I was a wee bit bitter. Regardless, the lyrics from one song really stick out in my memory from this period:

Stay by my side,
Stay here forever,
I'll be your heart of hearts,
You'll be my spring.
Don't you leave me alone,
Don't you leave me forsaken,
To hold you tonight, I would give anything

The song, by a band called Celtic Thunder, really captured my confusion, indignation and desperation. Over and over I listened to that song, to the point where I have it memorized backward and forward. I got even more indignant, I moved on and I built myself a life, brick by brick, with the help of my family and friends.

Fast forward a decade, and there was a tragedy. Most of those that I grew up calling family disappeared out of greed or cowardice; I don't know which to apply, and I don't care, the ones that count stuck around. I found myself longing to start a family of my own, to find a partner, and have some rug rats to give me gray hairs.

It's harder than it sounds, but I'm trying to figure it out bit by bit. The first step is getting over this concept of "one and only." That's when the last and most important verse of the song popped unbidden into my mind:

They say that true love comes once and once only,
And the way lover's start is the way they'll remain,
But I've got my eyes open,
In my heart I'm still hopin',
That the sun shines the brightest after the rain

I hope that's the truth, partially because I'm lonely, partially because I'm lazy, and partially because I really love kids, and would love to have a whole bushel of them. I just have to make some room, but that's do-able. Wish me luck.

~Lolly "Just Found the Sun" Pop

*Song lyrics were from memory, but they were, in order, Angels of the Silences by The Counting Crows, Mandocello by Concrete Blonde, That Day by Poe, and After the Rain by Celtic Thunder. I have no right to these songs, nor affiliation with the artists, just a deep and abiding appreciation for a good turn of phrase.

Follow-Up: For Want of Selfishness

As some of you may know, I contributed an article called "For the Want of Selfishness" in early June. I was amazed at the amount of support that I received at the time, and it really helped to bolster me through some really crappy times. Thank you, all of you.

The odd thing is that I took away an affirmation ("You like me! You really do!"), but none of the absolutely fantastic advice that you all gave. It was really odd to me that that occurred.

People ended up in hospitals. I ended up complicating my life even more. I dropped out of my latest class (but not ouf of school). I did all the work until I couldn't even move any longer, and resented it the entire time. Through all of this, I carried your encouragement next to my heart.

I did do something selfish in all of that - I dropped the class. I got tired of the bullying and sarcastic teacher (I use that term lightly, as he would rather mock than teach). I had a major project due Tuesday morning, and gave up about 3am. I texted my mother with something along the lines of "I think I failed this class, I'm sorry. I'll pay you back soon" - 'soon' because I hadn't figured out HOW yet; the entire reason that she paid for the last class is because I'm not getting overtime at work right now.

Anyway, she called two minutes later, and I never thought to ask her what she was doing up. I sat and cried and listened to her tell me for over an hour how absolutely proud she is of me, and how much of an inspiration I am to her. She told me that I had never failed her, since every investment she's ever made in me has been repaid tenfold, and that my brother and I are the hardest working and most driven people that she's ever met in her life.

WOW.

I felt like a million bucks after that. I felt like a work of art, shaped out of the words of my family, my friends and you.

So, ladies, let me tell you: I may not see your work, but I am SO glad that you are out there doing it. I am very proud to be posting here, and I want to hear what you've done lately. Something that you're SUPER proud of that maybe no one noticed? Or you already got praised for it, but it didn't get the attention it deserved. I don't care if you think it's silly, I want to see it in the comments.

This is supposed to be a place that we honestly communicate, and it's a place to rally together against adversity, but I think it should also be a place to CELEBRATE EACH OTHER. Leave your accomplishments below, and tell your fellow commenters what you think about their accomplishments. I'll check back soon; don't make me come over there to motivate you :-D

~Lolly "In Distinguished Company" Pop

Parable: Wine and Cheese in the Desert

A friend at work has been having trouble sleeping lately. He's been waking up in the middle of the night and not being able to go back to sleep for a couple of hours. During one of these episodes last week, his mind wandered to the philosophical. He shared some of his thoughts with me the next day. That discussion inspired me to write the below parable.

Wine and Cheese in the Desert

A man awoke to find himself lost in the desert. He walked. He was hot, and the sun beat down upon him. With only the clothes on his back and the hat on his head, he walked.

Eventually he came upon a sad little oasis. The water was dried to mud, and the grass was brown. He cried. As he took off all of his clothes and lay under a tree, he cried.

He slept. He awoke to find a chunk of salty, dried cheese behind the tree under which he’d slept. He cheered. As he dressed himself, he found a bottle of red wine under his clothing, and he cheered.

He picked up the wine and the cheese and laid them out. He whimpered. He had not noticed he had no wine opener. When he could not find a rock to break the bottle’s neck, he whimpered.

He sat, looking at his odd fortune. He laughed again. All he had wished for was a glass of water, and now he had wine and cheese and no bottle opener. As he considered the actions of providence, he laughed again.

The man set out again. He walked. He was hot, and the sun beat down upon him. With the wine in one hand and the cheese in the other, he walked.

Eventually, he would find a rock to break the bottle’s neck. Then he would feast.

~Riot.Jane

The $25 Gift Card Apology

June 22, 2009

Today I had a chat with an ethnic Chinese gentleman who works at the same customer site I do. Our usual habit is to discuss the differences we’ve experienced between cultures. He came from Malaysia, has worked there, and has also been a part of UK academia (having taught at the University of Manchester for five years). I have worked in several international companies with offices in the US and have read extensively on the differences between cultures. We both now work at the main US office of a global energy company, in the most corporate of corporate cultures.

Today we were discussing his observation that Americans are more “respectful” of other people. That was his word, “respectful,” but I think he meant “thoughtful.” Here’s why:

Last week his landlady accepted a package delivery for him. He visited the office to pick up his package after work that day. He could tell she was having a rough day: she looked tired, seemed a bit out of sorts, and could not locate his package. She apologized to him for not being able to find his package, the one she’d already told him she received, and promised to locate it the next day and contact him to confirm.

(He stressed to me at this point in our conversation that she was not at all rude and he was not at all discomfited by the experience because he could see that she was having a bad day.)

He glanced down, under a shelf, and spotted a likely suspect. He picked it up, saw his name on the label, and said, “Don’t worry, this is it. See?” and he showed her the package. She apologized to him again, seeming distressed and embarrassed. He assured her that everything was okay, wished her a good evening, and went home.

(He stressed to me at this point in our conversation that he never thought about this non-incident again.)

The next evening, the landlady came to his door and apologized for the package mix-up again. She said she felt very bad about the incident and her attitude, and proffered a $25 gift card to him as a token of apology. He tried to brush her off, to insist that he had taken no offence and the episode was already forgotten. She insisted he accept the gift card. Finally, when he could see that she was not going to leave unless he accepted the gift card, he finally accepted it to make her feel better.

(He stressed to me at this point in our conversation that this is what he meant when he said that his experience has been that Americans have more “respect” for others – The landlady was distraught over a simple mistake of which he thought nothing.)

Now he had this $25 gift card that he felt bad about accepting for something that was such a small thing. He thought about the situation and hit upon a plan of action. He went to the grocery store the next day and used the gift card to purchase a vased bouquet and box of chocolates, and he left them for the landlady.

This way, he didn’t feel guilty about accepting her apology token, and she definitely wouldn’t have another bad day.

:-)

~Riot.Jane

Hope of Better Days

I have hope of better days to come,
I know I can cope, I know I am not dumb.
To demeaning, demanding men, I refuse to succumb.
I have faith in myself and in God.
I have a plan to recreate who I am.
What the mind can conceive, the body can achieve.
I conceive of myself as a being of love and light.
I have the power to say no when it is wrong, and to say yes when it is right.
I stand on my own two feet, All the odds to defeat.
As all my demons retreat, The victory will be sweet.
Our camaraderie of knowing the rawness of life,
Unites us as one, to overcome our lives’ strife.
We have been beaten down and have made bad choices.
At Veronica’s Voice we create victorious voices.

What Hides Inside

Racing Thoughts

Veronica’s Voice awaits me Wednesday
How will I fair?
The truth to tell..…. Do I dare?
I hope I might bring love and light,
To bring some hope to my sisters and together relieve our plight.
We are all dealing with feelings of guilt and shame.
It doesn’t really matter, who’s to blame.
Be with me, my dear angels.
We’ll look at this from all angles.
But now it is time to release and let go…
A time to dream and travel to where ethereal winds blow,
And soften the blow
My thought will soon slow…
And sleep shall surely let me lay low.