Time to Defend Sluts

Riot.Jane

Yasmin Nair has a killer post at Jezebel in which she reminds us that sluts -- women who actually enjoy sex -- deserve to be treated with the same respect as anyone else.

Can we please remember that it's also perfectly fine that women need access to birth control because they really do like having lots of sex and being, generally, you know, sluts? For fuck's sake, we fought for the Pill and access to contraception because we once thought that boundless sex without consequences-whether with one person or with many, at the same time or sequentially, either way-is a pretty good thing.

Sing it, sister.

~Riot.Jane

Another Bill to Restrict Reproductive Freedom: HR 3 (UPDATED)

Riot.Jane

I just received the following e-mail, and the topic is news to me.  This is surprising because I'm usually pretty current on matters of reproductive freedom . . . More on this topic to come.

This is not an advocation that anyone should contribute, it's just the method by which I learned of the existence of HR 3.

The link in the e-mail: http://www.dccc.org/page/m/1d63cab1/1b83fc72/4a3c2f65/4e0ce84b/2346893725/VEsE/ .

Who Can Become an Addict?

Riot.Jane

In Compass of Pleasure: How Our Brains Make Fatty Foods, Orgasm, Exercise, Marijuana, Generosity, Vodka, Learning, and Gambling Feel So Good, brain scientist and neuroscience professor at Johns Hopkins University David J. Linden, PhD, describes the physiological processes of how the human brain reacts to different types of pleasure.  He's found that the effects of both our vices and our virtues are virtually indistinguishable within the brain.

In an interview with Salon, he briefly discusses the biological causes vs. societal reactions to addiction.  A particularly striking paragraph (emphasis mine):

Words for the Co-Dependent Set

Megan DaGata

What did I do? What can I do? How can I help? What else do you need? Where am I? Ahhh . . . The life of the co-dependent soul. Yes, you are an angel from heaven and an addicts dream.

WAKE the F--- UP!

I don't know how else to put this. I am not going to sugar-coat it for you . . . And I don't think I can. If you are in a relationship that you feel you are doing 90% of the work, then you need to check out your priorities. Ask yourself a few questions for a change . . . How am I? Do I like myself? Do I have enough self respect to leave? Do I make myself happy being in this relationship?

Even Nurses Get Duped By Doctors

Laura Giesman, NP

Laura Giesman is a nurse practioner that has shared her personal experience with a ENT whose treatment style leaves something to be desired.  We're quite pleased that she's sharing this with us, and we look forward to seeing more of her work. More information about Laura, her practice, and her website can be found at the end of her post.

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Well, all my readers know I'm a nurse practitioner. But we get sick too and need to go to practitioners and doctors! So I'm going to share a personal story with you this time...because what happened to me happens everyday to someone out there. And it's wrong.

An Atheist at Prayer

Karin L. Burke

I am not mature enough to be a Christian. I don’t have the moral flexibility necessary to embrace a thing so dangerous. Nor do I have the capacity to align myself to some other creed; there is attraction to other myths, and other stories, but ultimately similar difficulties come up. All this difficulty between language and practice, love and violence, power and corruption. No matter how attracted I am, I remain with a sense of being inauthentic, a kind of cultural predator. Someone suggested – since it does seem to be a monastic, embodied and mindful life I’m trying to find – that I become a Buddhist. “Acknowledge the fact that you are” a Buddhist said. But I am too aware of culture to think I could do such a thing without coming dangerously close to racism.

Alcoholic Insanity (Different than you probably think)

Karin L. Burke

Karin L. Burke is a woman at large, full-time unemployed, writing a book, and sleeping on other people’s couches.  She started writing a blog that deals with domestic violence, alcoholism and recovery, and yoga as healing when a friend said she needed to publish her letters. 

"You have to give this away," the friend said, "This is what you needed to hear when you were getting sober.  This is what you needed when you were trying to leave that abusive *****.  This is what I've needed, at so many points in my life.  You have to give this away.  It isn't yours to keep."   

(More of Karen's bio at the end of post, after the jump.)

We are flattered that she has chosed to share some of her experience with the special insanity of alchoholism with us.

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"The only thing there is to say," said another recovering drunk, "Is that alcoholic insanity is the mistaken belief that ‘this time it will be different’; it doesn’t have anything to do with ‘insanity’ in the way most people would use the word. It’s just that one simple thing: we keep drinking, thinking this time we’ll stay in control."

The word ‘insanity’ as used by Bill Wilson was supposed to mimic Einstein’s definition, or doing the same thing expecting different results.

Response Posted for 15-Year-Old "Anonymous"

To the 15-year-old female who asked a question in the comments section of How to Wash Your Vulva - For Real! on 3/21/2011 . . .

Please note that we've addressed your question in a follow-up comment on that post-page.  Your question was very important, and we are not only flattered that you asked us, but also rather concerned that you might not have anyone else of whom you can ask these things.  We are humbled to answer your question to the best of our ability, and we are also overwhelmed with gratitude  to have the opportunity to address it to a greater depth than you might have otherwise had access.

Ode to Rubenesque Women



Het Pelsken
Sir Peter Paul Rubens

Thin is in? I disagree. I've always been an admirer of full-figured women. Thanks to the baroque artist Sir Peter Paul Rubens (example works), we now have the term "Rubenesque" to describe the type of amply-endowed women he painted. Over time, “Rubenesque” has evolved into modern terms such as full-figured or BBW (Big Beautiful Women). History or terminology lessons aside, my admiration (which borders on adoration) of Rubenesque women makes me feel like I am squarely in the minority, thanks to modern advertising. And what stuns me is how people are swayed by models (who look they actually only eat one full meal a week) because of that simple phrase "Thin is in". 


Sine Cerere 1
Sir Peter Paul Rubens

Though I am a male who will be age 50 in 2011, my admiration of full-figured women goes back as long as I can remember. An ample bosom or a full-figured curvaceous body has always set my heart racing far more than any beautiful, thin woman could. Deep down, a Rubenesque woman exudes a warmth and comfort that a firm, athletic (or fit) woman could never offer. Soft, supple hips versus sharp angular ones. A body that is full and inviting compared to a body that is hard and unyielding. Even the term "Rubenesque" sounds softer than the term "Anorexia".


Balancing Sexuality with Spirit

This topic can really be a confronting one. Generally spirituality exists in an entirely different realm from sexuality. In fact, they are often regarded as diametrically opposed to each other.



While writing my memoir, which is now titled Sex and the Single Senior: A Cougar’s Search for Love, I spent quite a bit of time pondering the best title for my autobiography. I wanted the title to communicate what my journey was all about, and also to reveal that I had struck a balance between two contrasting aspects of my life.



Hattie



The first title I came up with was ‘The Saint/Slut Syndrome”. That pretty much said it for me. The saint part was to have referred to my integrity — no cheating, no lies, and the second part, the slut, well, that requires no explanation!

Thinking it over, it seemed not to be such a good idea, as calling it a syndrome seemed to require scientific assessment of a psychological pattern to which I was giving a new name. So I dropped that one …reluctantly, may I add. It would have been fun to be the originator of a unique term for a new phenomenon…something like the “zipless fuck” that was introduced by Erica Jong in the 60’s.

So, regrettably, the Saint/Slut Syndrome term never made it to Webster’s…or the cover of my memoir.

Critiquing "Feminist" Marketing (Part 3)

In the previous posts Critiquing "Feminist" Marketing (Part 1) and Critiquing "Feminist" Marketing (Part 2), we discussed changes in and repercussions of mass media's co-opt of the "feminist" message, and we examined the overt versus subliminal concepts inherent in each.  Now we move into the realm of why these subliminal messages find fertile ground within our minds.

Our eyes are our windows to the world.  They're what helps our unconscious determine what is real and what is not.  They show us our tribe, connect us to the people we love, respect, and hate, and they help us find our place within that social order.  Now that we've moved beyond 100-person villages -- Who is our tribe, and how do we know them?

We now have virtual tribes composed of real, physical humans and the virtual people that mass media brings within our personal sphere.  We see the same newscasters every morning and every night, we see and hear the same television and radio hosts over and over, and we are bombarded by model hawkers constantly.  At a certain point, our brains begin to subliminally incorporate these people into our tribe.

Critiquing "Feminist" Marketing (Part 2)

In the previous post Critiquing "Feminist" Marketing (Part 1), we compared the messages between a current Verizon ad and a Nike ad from the mid-'90s.  While the overt messages inherent in ads that speak to women have changed over the years, so have the subliminal ones. Recent years have brought us more modern interpretations of the female experience, including its lice-ridden underbelly.

In the mid '00s, Dove began the "Campaign for Real Beauty".  Early in the campaign, the FCC banned this "Pro-Age" ad because it apparently didn't conform to FCC regulations:

Holey rusted door, Batgirl!  We have Victoria's Secret models parading their perfect bodies on stage, we have scantily-clad cheerleaders gyrating at every profession sporting event, and we have teen pop stars wiggling their advocation of adult sexuality to preteens, but Christ forbid that normal, older, fig-leafed women be visible on television.  Ever.

Never mind that these older women are more "covered" than said models, cheerleaders, or pop-stars, and never mind that these older women are not parading, gyrating, or wiggling.  Just know that a woman over the age of 25 who shows more than 8 square inches of exposed non-face, non-hand skin is so patently offensive to the US public that complaints provoked the FCC to use the grey areas in their guidelines to ban said ad.

What wasn't banned was the "Evolution" ad, and it's actually my favorite:

Even without the digital trickery, I'd look like a supermodel, too, if I had a team of hair and make-up professionals at my side every morning!  While digesting this ad, considering it's wider implications, I held my breath waiting to see what was next.

Supplementing the "Evolution" ad, consider another mid-'00s video in which a digital artist transforms a normal-looking woman into a glamorous goddess thanks to the wonders of Photoshop (sorry for the pop-up ad on the video, just click the [x]):

I am particularly fond of the instant weight-loss and skin perfection.  The hair extensions are a nice touch as well.  Doubleplusgood on the removal of the spectacles.  Compare the two pictures, and you could be forgiven for thinking that these women are sisters instead of the same person.  Of particular angst to me is that the creator/poster of this video had so many requests for same that she posted links to tutorials showing aspiring digital artists how to accomplish these same tricks and pointed out where the eyelash brush can be downloaded.  Instead of outrage, worship? Kill me.

In the next post we move further into why and how the cultural programming of impossible beauty standards works and the effects of same.

~Riot.Jane

Critiquing "Feminist" Marketing (Part 1)

The messages inherent in the ads that speak to women have changed over the years.  While we do still have plenty of housewifely cleaning product ads, recent years have seen more modern interpretations of the female experience. Some have been spectacular, but others could use some help.

Let's start with Verizon's current "Rule the Air" ad:

What bothers me about this ad is the overall impression that Verizon is trying to ride the Third-Wave Feminist train to Shangri-La.  Every young female in this ad is picture-perfect, and all but one has long dark hair.  These girls all look the same, and they're from/in wealthy environments with the world at their feet. Platitudes abound, and the weight of thousands of years of Western culture is absent.  The only two females of color are the ones who speak about "prejudice" and whether or not she is "white," and that bothers me.

Classism  is ignored for sexism, and in this world simply having an above-average IQ and a Verizon cell will allow you to shirk the bonds of femininity. As an anthropologist friend of mine said, "The air is free as long as you can pay for it."  Verizon's motto here, "Rule the Air", is, more accurately in my mind, "Rule, my ass."

Compare the Verizon ad above to this classic Nike advertisement from the mid-'90s:

This ad has quite a bit to say, and it effectively says it.  Girls are important, and girls sports are important -- just as important as boys and boys sports.  At a time when challenges to, and increased enforcement of, Title IX (regarding unsubstantial or nonexistent female sports programs) were both vying for the soul of the nation, this ad was instrumental in changing public sentiment.  Even if you didn't buy these shoes, the message stayed with you and helped change our culture.  While a friend of mine has argued that Nike has since lost whatever soul it once had, this video was, in its time, a paragon of social conscience.

In the next post we move from substantive social commentary in media marketing to the programming of impossible beauty ideals.

~Riot.Jane

Working a Job I Hate for Health Insurance

I'm at the same job I was in 10 years ago.  The job has no path for advancement, either professionally or monetarily.  I'm a walking knowledge base for everyone who comes into contact with me. I've been there so long that I sometimes can't immediately answer "How do we do this?" because "how we do this" has changed so many times over the years that I can't be sure if what I'm remembering is the current "how we do this." 

I can't tell you the last time I learned something new.  God, how I wish I could change employment.

Why can't I jump?  Health insurance -- It's the ball attached to the chain clamped to my leg that will eventually drown me in the clear, calm depths of professional obsolescence.

Here's the situation: My health insurance premium is approximately 30% of my net payroll.  I only pay 25% of that premium, but on the open market even crappy-coverage policies have about the same premium as the fairly good group-coverage policy through my employer.  Why is it so expensive?  I'm a child-bearing age female, and insurers won't rider maternity coverage on an individual policy.  As a result, adult females pay a shit-ton more than adult males for their insurance coverage.

Private insurers won't rider maternity because they don't want to deal with arguments/arbitration/lawsuits about whether or not any given other condition is the result of pregnancy.  An example is high blood pressure.  Imagine that I become pregnant, and my blood pressure rises (which commonly happens in pregnancy).  The insurance company then refuses to cover visits or medication for my high blood pressure because it's "pregnancy-related."  I say it's my freaking circulatory system with a problem, not my fetus or womb, so they need to cover it.  The next thing you know, the lawyers are called in.

<snark> (Maybe that's how the health insurance industry keeps seeing double-digit returns for the last God knows how many years . . . Not paying lawyers to argue with their customers?) </snark>

So, individual health insurance policies on the open market are absolutely unaffordable for any woman whom I would say "works for a living."  Not the first time in my life I wish I'd been born a man, let me tell you!

Add this individual-policy health insurance situation to the fact that the only industry within which I've worked in 15 years has been completely outsourced or offshored within the last 10 years, and the issue becomes clear.

I, as a never-married woman of the means delivered only by her paycheck, have to stay in a job that has been beneath me for the last 5 years because I have to maintain health insurance.  No one else is going to do it for me. 

I can't go without health insurance because, if something happens, public health services won't be available until I am literally destitute.  My state is so strict on the "literally destitute" concept that I watched my mother become ill and die at the age of 52 as the direct result of not being able to pay for health care while working her minimum-wage, no-insurance job. 

Because my mother didn't have $1K+ liquid from her minimum-wage paycheck (and, sadly, neither did I) to pay for tests to determine exactly what was wrong with her, she and her doctor treated what they guessed was wrong with her.  Every month or so, she scrabbled together another $100+ for another 5- or 10-minute conversation and another prescription to treat the next guess.  Within a year of the start of this cycle, she was dead.

Whatever I have to do, the same will not happen to me.  I will not die because I couldn't afford health care.  Disregard what the Republicans say -- "Just go to the emergency room!" -- People in this country die every day because they can't afford health care.  I know, because I watched it happen to my own mother.

And I learned . . .

Keep health insurance or die painfully with those closest to you in more pain than you are.

So, every day I go to a job that I should leave.  For more reasons than I can outline right now without falling into insensibility, the job is a bad fit for me dispositionally and outdated for me professionally.  I did everything right -- I've worked hard, been dependable, made the most intelligent decisions possible, always supported my co-workers and supervisors, learned as much as I can about the business and the customer, and have never been fired from a job in my life.  In general, I'm a stellar employee capable of great production and requiring little oversight. 

And now I'm bloody fucking stuck.

Much of the problem with my professional advancement is because I work in a predominantly male industry, but the reason I haven't been able to jump ship as often as I should have to keep my payroll and advancement in line with my male peers is because of the health insurance issue.  Yes, the non-insurance job in my industry pay more, but they're irregular (read: temporary) and don't pay enough more that I can lose 30% of my net on a crappy (read: doesn't cover much) individual health insurance policy.

While I've spent my entire life aspiring to be (and mostly succeeding in showing) that I'm the better employee of most of the people (not just the men) around me . . . I've been stopped dead in my professional tracks by two different types of sexism -- one systemic and based upon finances (health insurance), the other subtle and based upon gender differences (my industry).

The only thing that keeps me from bouncing off the walls with the injustice of health insurance premium inequity (no, men can't bear the pups but men have to help make them!) is the knowledge that even if my Fairy Godmother came down to Earth and suddenly made this right, I'd still be stuck not being able to change jobs because so very few of the ones in my industry even offer health insurance, regardless of the cost.

Every time I think about this, I make no headway on a plan or a solution. I end up at the same point every time, and I don't know whether to get drunk and bomb random health insurance offices or shoot myself in the head to relieve the frustration of the trapped.  After all, prisoners do commit suicide to be free.

And here I am again.  I had thought that writing about this, defining it, naming the monster, would help me clarify the situation, bring a solution into crystalline focus.  And once again, I end up feeling like a prisoner, trapped within the cage of what I so desperately worked to obtain (a job with insurance!), the thing that I so desperately need to maintain.  The health insurance that gives me the tiniest bit of security also prevents me from evolving, progressing, changing, living.

Health insurance.  A pox on all of your houses!!

~Riot.Jane

Happiness To Last A Lifetime

Children are naturally happy. We watch their sweet little faces light up with joy, and marvel at their wild energy. We were all once children, romping just like the youngsters we see all around us. Somehow, that joy gets lost as we mature.

Hattie RetroAge

Just like most people, I’ve endured episodes of sadness and depression. There were times that my physical and emotional pain felt unendurable, and I prayed for death. My life seemed doomed… a never-ending spiral descending to the depths of despair.

Radical action was called for. I tried everything … therapists, love affairs, shopping, praying, St. John’s Wort, cappuccino … but the unhappiness never budged. It acted like it had found a rent-controlled apartment, and wasn’t intending to move!

I love joy, excitement, pleasure and set out to find the Fountain of Happiness. Mostly we think of finding the Fountain of Youth, but I’d already drunk gallons from that source, and the youth part was doing just fine. But the joy part was still missing, and though I looked and felt younger than my years, happiness was eluding me. I had to re-awaken my spirit.

Was that even possible?

YES, one’s spirit can be re-awakened. It takes work, dedication and trust.

First, clearly state your desire/need. Write it down and read it aloud several times a day. After all, how can you expect the Universe to help unless you’re clear about what you’re asking for?

Then, hold tight to my Hattietude:

IMPOSSIBLE = I’M POSSIBLE

This was my very first affirmation, since restoring my youthful joy, energy and wonder seemed impossible.
Rest and wait for guidance … it WILL SHOW UP and guide you to a new consciousness.

For me, it was a voice from inside my mind that assured me that my quest would be fulfilled. I was told that I would achieve happiness if I mastered self-love, trust, and being grateful for my journey … no matter what.
This was asking for true surrender, and I wasn’t certain that I could become a gracious and grateful woman. For most of my adult life, I had been kvetching and complaining and crying and agonizing. How could I turn that around?

It was time to buckle down and get rid of all ugly behavior. I began to carefully monitor my thoughts and behavior … WITHOUT JUDGEMENT. It became obvious that there were many times that I was nasty, impatient, angry, ungrateful, bratty … all the familiar human traits that sour our Higher Selves. I realized that if this negative and judgmental M.O. persisted, it would backfire and I would remain unhappy. So whenever I allowed myself to be mean, unforgiving, cold, insensitive, I SWITCHED MY BEHAVIOR.

Although I was changing my behavior and thoughts, I was neglecting to LOVE AND RESPECT MYSELF through this process. After all, this Earth journey ain’t a perpetual party. Without being narcissistic or vain, it was essential for me to honor and love myself for being courageous enough to take on this spiritually divine task. I had to stop feeling inadequate and insecure for all my flaws and shortcomings. And you can bet I have many!

I suspect you are plagued with self-doubt and negative feelings about yourself. Most humans are. I’d like you to observe how often you judge yourself harshly. I’m pretty sure the answer will be “often”.

Remind yourself that lack of self-love doesn’t happen naturally. We’ve spent years learning to hate ourselves and others. The media contributes to this, as it bombards us with anorectic models, botoxed faces and fashions whose prices rival monthly rent payments.

So, to feel better, I focused on developing self-love.

Regrettably that didn’t work. I was still unhappy.

The reason?

It wasn’t enough to love myself, I had to learn to love others. I was still being mean to others and judging them harshly. As long as I continued to dislike, hate, criticize, complain, and be jealous of others, my own happiness was imperiled.

As I looked around me, I saw sadness in faces around me. I decided to greet them with a huge smile on my face. If I couldn’t be happy myself, at least I could help make others feel better. I practiced smiling at everyone as I walked down the street. I even stopped cursing cab drivers! (I count that as a major achievement!).

Transforming from being sour and judgmental to being sweet and loving to others was no easy task. I had been accustomed to finding fault with others … and, what’s more … letting them know about it!
Henceforth, whenever I find myself nastily judging people for any number of reasons, I shift and find beauty in each and every one of them.

This is my answer.

Being kind and loving to others has blessed me with the sought-after happiness. With this shift, a smile now graces my face, and I feel at peace for the first time in decades.

And, surprise … as a sweet bonus, my newly smiling face glowed with beauty.

Yours will too!

Being kind, appreciative, grateful and loving is the answer to achieving happiness for a lifetime.

Give it a try, and write me at hattie@hattieretroage.com to let me know what you experienced.

~Hattie RetroAge
  Holistically Hattie

How to Wash Your Vulva - For Real!

Admin.Jane is the technical brain behind TJP, and as such, she regularly checks our link activity, visitor stats, search terms that bring us visitors, maps of where our visitors come from, etc.  She recently found that someone in the UK found us by searching for "how to wash your vulva".  Unfortunately, Google sent her to my Want a Raise? Wash Your Vulva, Dammit! (Part 1) post.

Hearing this all but broke my heart.  I'm sure that visitor eventually found the needed information, but such a thing is not going to happen again.

Here's what every female (and every male caring for a female) should know about keeping the vulva clean:

Women naturally have a genital smell, just as men do.  The vagina's natural state is to have both good and bad bacteria as well as the fungus typically called yeast.  Fluids are also supposed to exit the vagina through the vulva during both menstruation and non-menstruation. When healthy, the vagina is a self-contained and self-cleaning environment that maintains its own health without much input from its owner. 

The female genital smell is a spectrum, just like all other human smells.  Some will be weaker, and some will be stronger.  While Western corporate culture has entire (shamefully successful) business plans built upon making females ashamed of it, I cannot stress enough that there is nothing abnormal about the female genital smell.   Even if it's strong, it's perfectly healthy if it's not an unpleasant smell.  If you find it unpleasant or are concerned others might, a healthcare practitioner should be consulted in order to verify whether or not an illness is present.  The practitioner will also be able to confirm if the smell is within the normal spectrum. 

NOTE: "Vulva" is the entirety of the external female genitalia.  Everything observable from the outside is referred to sa the vulva.

The only cleaning that healthy female genitalia need is washing once daily.  Open the thumbnail link on the right in a new window for a labelled photograph (NSFW) that will define the terms used below.

To wash properly, use your fingers and soap/shower-gel to gently but thoroughly rub the clitoral hood, labia majora, labia minora, perinium, and anus as well as all of the crevices around and amongst these parts to remove dead skin cells and daily discharge which can harbor bad bacteria and lead to illness. 

Be sure to spread and move the labia majora and labia minora around a bit to ensure that all the surface area is cleaned.  Wash from the base of the vaginal orifice upwards (toward the clitoral hood) and the from the base of the vaginal orifice downwards (across the perinium) and then towards and around the anus.  Be sure to rinse thoroughly and pat completely dry (or use a cool hair dryer). Thoroughly rinsing and rying the vulva completely is very important.

Some women don't handle soap in this sensitive region because soap is, by nature, a bit harsh. The purpose of soap is to break chemical bonds in order to remove non-living stuff from the body.  If you experience discomfort after using soap and are sure that you're rinsing completely, try organic and/or and fragrance/dye-free cleansers.  I am a personal fan of Oil of Olay Beauty Bars and Johnson & Johnson's Baby Wash for sensitive areas of my body, so don't don't think that you have to buy something really expensive if you happen to have super-sensitive vulva.

Exercise, menstruation, summer, and sex might cause the need for more frequent vuvla washings than once each day.  If you feel grubby, by all means wash!  Just don't go overboard on it or you'll be wasting your time and could cause yourself unneeded irritation (remember the "smell" paragraph above).  Irritated vulva is no joke -- Don't do it to yourself unnecessarily!

Note that there has been no mention of soap/cleanser inside the vagina or douching.  This is important!  Both are not only unnecessary, but can and will unbalance that natural female internal genital environment.  This can cause a wide range of painful conditions requiring your doctor's intervention. 

Additional reading on female genital health and cleaning.

Additional reading on douching.

~Riot.Jane

Illness Sucks!

Illness has me laid up for a while.  If I'm not posting, it's because I'm asleep most of the time trying to kick this.  Even for the couple of hours a day I'm awake, I can't think well enough to post.

Hopefully my sister-admin can pinch hit for a bit.

~Admin.Jane

Methods to Managing Menopause

Menopause “hit” me when I was 50. Naturally, like most women I was beset by fears that this marked the beginning of a downhill descent. I rushed off to my gynecologist who wrote a prescription for Premarin, assured me it was safe, and sent me on my way.

I left his office with a spring in my step, “Goodie, now I don’t have to get upset about hot flashes, mood changes and losing my sexuality.” It seemed as if all my worries were over, until I began reading reports of increased cancer risks in women who took Premarin. So, rushing off to my doc again to check this out, he added Progesterone which he said would balance the “horse pee” (Premarin’s source). Once again I felt confident that all would be well.

One day after completing a lecture on Exquisite Aging at New York’s Whole Life Expo, I was approached by Dr. Viana Muller who proceeded to inform me that her company offered herbs that were as effective as hormone replacement… without any negative side effects. When I asked her about her background, her answer, “I’m anethno botanist!” made me stand up and take notice. I’d never heard that word before, and was curious about what she knew about HRT.

Along with teaching me about indigenous herbs… those cultivated in the soil of their origin, she introduced me to a term that went on to play a major role in my understanding of how herbs function in the body. That word is “precursor”. It seems that most problems with HRT come from the fact that the chemicals they’re made of are actual hormones. As such they replace the hormones lost in menopause. Precursor Herbs contain no hormones but rather stimulate the body to keep creating its own Anti-Aging components.

Except for a short stint with bio-identical hormones, I’ve been using the herb, ROYAL MACA, from her company, WHOLE WORLD BOTANICALS for 20 years. Yes, aging can be a daunting prospect, but with this magical herb in my arsenal, I’ve maintained unprecedented youth.

Need proof? I modeled for a Dolce & Gabbana ad in a skin tight bathing suit at age 74! Thanks to this chance meeting with Dr. Muller over 20 years ago, I’ve been blessed with a youthfulness I never could have imagined.

Check out her company’s website www.wholeworldbotanicals.com.  A whole new world of indigenous Peruvian herbs will open up for you as it has for me!

~Hattie RetroAge
  www.holisticallyhattie.com
  www.bestcruisesandtravelnow.com (sponsoring my THE EMPOWERED WOMAN CRUISE in January)

Choosing to Grow Young

I choose to grow young, not old.

I've been intrigued with, attracted to and dating men considerably younger than myself for a quarter of a century. Twenty five years ago the stigma was much more intense than it is now. In my mid-fifties, when I told my mother I was dating a man 20 years my junior, she had a cow! I learned to never bring the subject up with her again.

Back in the day, we had no terminology, catchphrases or labels. We were simply older women who were drawn to younger men. I broach the subject in my book,  Sexy In Your 60s, How You Can Naturally Reverse The Aging Process & Rejuvenate Your Life, and blog, www.SexyInYour60s.com, which focus on the health of our body, mind and spirit. I share with others, women especially, what's hindered and helped me over the years, things that keep me young at heart and reversing the aging process.

What can I say? I'm a woman who chooses to grow young, not old. My lust for life attracts younger men and that doesn't seem to be waning with age. Quite the opposite. The older I get the more curious they are. They pick my mind, sometimes I feel like Dear Abby. Recently I joined some Cougar/Cub sites to get a finger on the pulse. I've belonged to other date sites and always draw younger men, but not sites that are subject specific. The resounding welcome and dialogue has been fascinating and prompted me to do some research and writing of my own.

The so-called Cougar/Cub phenomenon as many know, is not new. In my book I explore the goddess cultures, go back thousands of years and guess what? Younger men and older women were an item then just as they are now. Regardless, I'm having a difficult time calling myself a Cougar. This excerpt speaks for me:

Not one to embrace the ‘Cougar’ image, I find the explanation confining and not in keeping with a truly seasoned woman, a crone. Ego need not play a part and while every woman reaps the rewards of honoring her body, the body needn’t be the sole reason to attract men, men of any age. Nor do I adhere to the inference that older women are always on the prowl, not able or interested in long term relationships. I believe that women have choices and to categorize us is counter-productive.

A crone is a woman in her third phase of life; maiden/virgin, mother, crone. A postmenopausal woman. I use the book as a platform because the crone stage is the most astounding, powerful, time of a woman's life. According to the ancients, the crone comes into her mastery on all levels including her sexual mastery. Such a hush-hush taboo subject; older women and sexuality. My friend and mentor, Dr. Linda Savage, was instrumental in awakening me to this part of myself. Her expertise flows all through my book. Savage's book, Reclaiming Goddess Sexuality:The Power of the Feminine Way takes us back into history and reminds us the ancient woman-positive cultures have a message about sexuality  that we can learn from today.

On the Internet I found amazing forward-thinking women who have websites and blogs that depict their take on the Cougar/Cub movement. Dr. Fayr Barkley, CEO of www.CougarInternational.com caught my attention with her empowering and informative articles. Dr. Fayr mirrors my old school/young school mindset. She brings into focus those things that serve us and points out those that don't. She does women and men a great service by acting as a role model that speaks to the awesomeness of womanhood. I've become one of her biggest fans and am an active participant on her website.

Another woman, Linda Franklin, her website  www.TheRealCougarWoman.com , and  author of  
Don't Ever Call Me Ma'am, impressed me with her life experiences. She too is empowering women and mirrors my opinion that regardless of our age, we are never too old to try or do something different. No one could have told me I would publish my first book at 64, or, for that matte,r speak out about my lifestyle as it pertains to younger men. Like Ms. Franklin, I encourage women to reach for their dreams and not let social dogma get in their way.

Dawn Marie Ellison, founder of www.CougarandtheCub.com, caught my attention. She sees the cougar/cub relationship as "a spiritual, emotional and sensual connection and not merely sexual." Ellison's comment speaks worlds. The ancient cultures teach  the balance of the sexual and the spiritual. In Pagan Society there was no rift between Spirituality and Sex.  Both were seen as true and vital forces, dancing in beautiful symmetry.


Regardless what we choose to call ourselves; kittens, pumas, cougars, cleos or just women, the key to it all is to stand as role models for the young people, acting responsibly and with integrity. The reality show mindset the media sells our children and grandchildren doesn't always represent the positive side of life. Much of it is based on dysfunctional conditioning that doesn't serve anyone.  It's up to us as women, cougars or not, to set the bar for those who learn from our actions; the children.

~ Joan M Bunney
   Author, Speaker, Advocate for Social Change
   www.sexyinyour60s.com

Introducing Joan M Bunney: Couger Advocating Change

Joan M Bunney

We recently wrote about how we met and will shortly be introducing the work of Hattie Retroage here at TJP.  When we initially contacted and introduced TJP to Hattie, we had no way of knowing that she would distribute our self-written letter of introduction to a like-minded woman and author Joan M Bunney.  Joan promptly contacted us:

Dear Jane:

I am a friend of Hattie Retro-age, and like her, choose to reverse the aging process naturally, no chemicals or toxins allowed in or on my body.

I'm also an advocate for social change and speak out on relevant issues all having to do with the children's well being. Born in 1945 I've watched this health epidemic of the body and mind happen over the decades.

I wrote a book, Sexy InYour60s, to share with others, women especially, what I've learned and applied and why I'm growing young not old; a new mindset.

I've been to your website and would love to contribute, be a part of your blog. The 'older' I get the more relevant the subject matter. The elder woman is stepping forward to share accrued wisdom that will help to make change happen.

I've attached my media bio, my Sexy In Your 60s website that holds my book and journey thus far. I am just beginning the second half of life. The ancient goddess cultures tell us the seasoned woman is in her mastery at this stage of life. My purpose is to awaken women of all ages to this truth by using myself, much as Hattie does, as a live testimonial.

About to launch a new website, AgelessCougar.com to celebrate the cougar woman rather than demean her. Like Hattie, I've been attracted to and dating younger men for a quarter century. The website in part will dissuade the naysayers and the bad press. The rewards of aging are endless. ...

Best regards,

Joan M Bunney
Author, Speaker, Advocate for Social Change
JoanBunney@hotmail.com
http://www.sexyinyour60s.com/

Joan and the admins have corresponded in more depth since receiving her initial e-mail, and we're quite pleased to introduce Joan to TJP!

We are excited to see her work and grow from her contributions. 

~Riot.Jane