The Damage of Child Beauty Pageants

Riot.Jane

This is the first time I've seen a non-hysterical critique of the phenomenon of child beauty pageants.  Most of the time it seems like it's moon-bat crazy people throwing tantrums either for or against the concept. 

In this blog post Mary Jo Rapini, LPC discusses whether it's the contestant or the parent that is actually benefiting from the pageant experience.  She also suggests better ways to help children learn the lessons they need to be successful people than crawling the beauty pageant circuit.

Beauty Pageants For Toddlers; Who Are They For?

Sexy Sundays | "The Morning After" the "First Time"

Riot.Jane

A blog post by Mary Jo Rapini, LPC, caught my attention.  How you feel about losing your virginity depends...are you a guy or girl? begins with a discussion about the gender differences in the after-effects of the first sexual encounter as determined by a recent academic study (Body image and first sexual intercourse in late adolescence) and winds up with with the author's own views on the same.

[From How you feel] The morning after can be difficult no matter if you are a guy or a girl, but it seems to be more difficult for girls than guys. A study from researchers at Pennsylvania State University reports male university students' body images improved after having sexual intercourse for the first time, while the opposite pattern was found with females. The study which was published in the Journal of Adolescents and reported on 100 students from the university between the ages of 17 and 19 years of age who had sex for the first time during their time at the university.

PC Air Adds Kathoey to Cabin Crews

Riot.Jane

I've been fascinated for years by the societal phenomenon of the kathoey (or ladyboy) of Thailand.  The kathoey are men who live as women within their own society.

The kathoey generally pass very well (as snapshots show) partially due to the diminutive size of many Thai males, partially due to inexpensive sexual-reassignment surgery, and partially because of sheer determination.

Alcoholic Insanity (Different than you probably think)

Karin L. Burke

Karin L. Burke is a woman at large, full-time unemployed, writing a book, and sleeping on other people’s couches.  She started writing a blog that deals with domestic violence, alcoholism and recovery, and yoga as healing when a friend said she needed to publish her letters. 

"You have to give this away," the friend said, "This is what you needed to hear when you were getting sober.  This is what you needed when you were trying to leave that abusive *****.  This is what I've needed, at so many points in my life.  You have to give this away.  It isn't yours to keep."   

(More of Karen's bio at the end of post, after the jump.)

We are flattered that she has chosed to share some of her experience with the special insanity of alchoholism with us.

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"The only thing there is to say," said another recovering drunk, "Is that alcoholic insanity is the mistaken belief that ‘this time it will be different’; it doesn’t have anything to do with ‘insanity’ in the way most people would use the word. It’s just that one simple thing: we keep drinking, thinking this time we’ll stay in control."

The word ‘insanity’ as used by Bill Wilson was supposed to mimic Einstein’s definition, or doing the same thing expecting different results.

What Happens When Your Sexual Abusers are Other Children?

Being the only third grader in the school with a C-cup bra was traumatic.  The trauma began slowly.  Eventually it broke me.

The violence began when I first began to wear a bra at the age of 9, and it ended then with verbal teasing.  As my cup size grew by leaps and bounds, the violence escalated in direct proportion.

The other students progressed from occasional gentle bra snapping (1" away) to constant painful bra snapping (as many inches as possible).  Much like a towel snapped at your butt in a locker room, successive pops are geometrically more painful.  I'd be in tears from the pain at least once each school day.

Critiquing "Feminist" Marketing (Part 3)

In the previous posts Critiquing "Feminist" Marketing (Part 1) and Critiquing "Feminist" Marketing (Part 2), we discussed changes in and repercussions of mass media's co-opt of the "feminist" message, and we examined the overt versus subliminal concepts inherent in each.  Now we move into the realm of why these subliminal messages find fertile ground within our minds.

Our eyes are our windows to the world.  They're what helps our unconscious determine what is real and what is not.  They show us our tribe, connect us to the people we love, respect, and hate, and they help us find our place within that social order.  Now that we've moved beyond 100-person villages -- Who is our tribe, and how do we know them?

We now have virtual tribes composed of real, physical humans and the virtual people that mass media brings within our personal sphere.  We see the same newscasters every morning and every night, we see and hear the same television and radio hosts over and over, and we are bombarded by model hawkers constantly.  At a certain point, our brains begin to subliminally incorporate these people into our tribe.

Critiquing "Feminist" Marketing (Part 2)

In the previous post Critiquing "Feminist" Marketing (Part 1), we compared the messages between a current Verizon ad and a Nike ad from the mid-'90s.  While the overt messages inherent in ads that speak to women have changed over the years, so have the subliminal ones. Recent years have brought us more modern interpretations of the female experience, including its lice-ridden underbelly.

In the mid '00s, Dove began the "Campaign for Real Beauty".  Early in the campaign, the FCC banned this "Pro-Age" ad because it apparently didn't conform to FCC regulations:

Holey rusted door, Batgirl!  We have Victoria's Secret models parading their perfect bodies on stage, we have scantily-clad cheerleaders gyrating at every profession sporting event, and we have teen pop stars wiggling their advocation of adult sexuality to preteens, but Christ forbid that normal, older, fig-leafed women be visible on television.  Ever.

Never mind that these older women are more "covered" than said models, cheerleaders, or pop-stars, and never mind that these older women are not parading, gyrating, or wiggling.  Just know that a woman over the age of 25 who shows more than 8 square inches of exposed non-face, non-hand skin is so patently offensive to the US public that complaints provoked the FCC to use the grey areas in their guidelines to ban said ad.

What wasn't banned was the "Evolution" ad, and it's actually my favorite:

Even without the digital trickery, I'd look like a supermodel, too, if I had a team of hair and make-up professionals at my side every morning!  While digesting this ad, considering it's wider implications, I held my breath waiting to see what was next.

Supplementing the "Evolution" ad, consider another mid-'00s video in which a digital artist transforms a normal-looking woman into a glamorous goddess thanks to the wonders of Photoshop (sorry for the pop-up ad on the video, just click the [x]):

I am particularly fond of the instant weight-loss and skin perfection.  The hair extensions are a nice touch as well.  Doubleplusgood on the removal of the spectacles.  Compare the two pictures, and you could be forgiven for thinking that these women are sisters instead of the same person.  Of particular angst to me is that the creator/poster of this video had so many requests for same that she posted links to tutorials showing aspiring digital artists how to accomplish these same tricks and pointed out where the eyelash brush can be downloaded.  Instead of outrage, worship? Kill me.

In the next post we move further into why and how the cultural programming of impossible beauty standards works and the effects of same.

~Riot.Jane

Critiquing "Feminist" Marketing (Part 1)

The messages inherent in the ads that speak to women have changed over the years.  While we do still have plenty of housewifely cleaning product ads, recent years have seen more modern interpretations of the female experience. Some have been spectacular, but others could use some help.

Let's start with Verizon's current "Rule the Air" ad:

What bothers me about this ad is the overall impression that Verizon is trying to ride the Third-Wave Feminist train to Shangri-La.  Every young female in this ad is picture-perfect, and all but one has long dark hair.  These girls all look the same, and they're from/in wealthy environments with the world at their feet. Platitudes abound, and the weight of thousands of years of Western culture is absent.  The only two females of color are the ones who speak about "prejudice" and whether or not she is "white," and that bothers me.

Classism  is ignored for sexism, and in this world simply having an above-average IQ and a Verizon cell will allow you to shirk the bonds of femininity. As an anthropologist friend of mine said, "The air is free as long as you can pay for it."  Verizon's motto here, "Rule the Air", is, more accurately in my mind, "Rule, my ass."

Compare the Verizon ad above to this classic Nike advertisement from the mid-'90s:

This ad has quite a bit to say, and it effectively says it.  Girls are important, and girls sports are important -- just as important as boys and boys sports.  At a time when challenges to, and increased enforcement of, Title IX (regarding unsubstantial or nonexistent female sports programs) were both vying for the soul of the nation, this ad was instrumental in changing public sentiment.  Even if you didn't buy these shoes, the message stayed with you and helped change our culture.  While a friend of mine has argued that Nike has since lost whatever soul it once had, this video was, in its time, a paragon of social conscience.

In the next post we move from substantive social commentary in media marketing to the programming of impossible beauty ideals.

~Riot.Jane

*What* Magazine is This Supposed to be Again?!

Okay, enough is enough.  I've simply had it with inappropriately-included, Photoshopped-to-better-than-life female models on magazine covers, most specifically when the magazines in question have nothing to do with making women appear more attactive. (Yes, beauty magazines suck, too, but that's a separate topic for another day.)

I imagine that a neighbor standing near me as I pulled this lovely bit of tripe from my mailbox probably received burns from the steam that shot from my ears:

I hid the words so that the full effect of the graphic was evident, then I asked approximately 15 people I ran into during an average workday what type of magazine this is.  The by far most common answers were women's beauty and young men's (e.g. Maxim, Stuff) magazines.  The next most common was was sports/fitness.

Do I need to specifically tell you, dear reader, that I don't subscribe to beauty, young men's, or sprots/fitness magazines?  Well, I don't.

For comparison, this is the cover of the above-magazine's closest competitor for the same month (November 2010).  Again, I blocked the words to bring the graphic forefront:

Look at these two covers.  If I paid you money for your honesty, would you ever in one million years have said that these two magazines were competitors?

I thought not.

Now, let's look at these covers side-by-side with just the words applying to the main cover story of each showing:

Compare these two covers one more time and consider: If I gave you a lifetime subscription to the one of your choice for your honesty, would you ever in one million years have said these two magazines were competitors?

I thought not.

May I just say that sex shouldn't be used to sell everything?  That there really are some things (like baby clothes) that are just inappropriately hawked when sex comes into play?

Seriously, Editors: What are you, 13?

The first magazine has been doing this for the last several years.  At first, the change was minor and could have been considered more "modern." Then it ramped up in both frequency and audacity.  After the leathered-up dominatrix with a whip (!) cover, I really blew my stack.  I wrote an angry letter, and many other readers did, too.  I was filled with sister-love when I read their outraged comments.  I felt vindicated and justified and not, as I feared, a bit too prudish for the 21st Century.

Then the magazine e-mailed me an invitation to participate in an online focus group for an upcoming cover . . . Finally!  I could do something about this misplaced appeal-to-the-masses garbage!  I was so excited and mission-oriented as I clicked the link . . .

Yeah, all of the covers they provided for us to choose from were already inappropriately sexed-up.  There wasn't a realistic or even non-laughable picture to be had, so I chose the least offensive one.  Of course, that one didn't make it to my mailbox.   I guess that's what focus groups are all about -- the least common denominator.

This last cover is my last straw.  I hereby refuse to renew my subscription to this magazine, and I'm pissed off at this point that I renewed for two full years last time.  I've actually enjoyed its competitor more over the years, anyway.  It's brainier and not trying to break into the god-awful beauty magazine industry.

You've been patient, so here are the actual, complete, unedited magazine covers.  Read 'em and weep, dear Janes and Joes.

The first was my needy best friend years ago who grew into a shallow tramp.  The other is my best friend now, the uncomplicated one who I could spend endless afternoons with drinking coffee and using my brain. 

Goodbye, Psychology Today.  Hello, Scientific American Mind. 

~Riot.Jane

How to Wash Your Vulva - For Real!

Admin.Jane is the technical brain behind TJP, and as such, she regularly checks our link activity, visitor stats, search terms that bring us visitors, maps of where our visitors come from, etc.  She recently found that someone in the UK found us by searching for "how to wash your vulva".  Unfortunately, Google sent her to my Want a Raise? Wash Your Vulva, Dammit! (Part 1) post.

Hearing this all but broke my heart.  I'm sure that visitor eventually found the needed information, but such a thing is not going to happen again.

Here's what every female (and every male caring for a female) should know about keeping the vulva clean:

Women naturally have a genital smell, just as men do.  The vagina's natural state is to have both good and bad bacteria as well as the fungus typically called yeast.  Fluids are also supposed to exit the vagina through the vulva during both menstruation and non-menstruation. When healthy, the vagina is a self-contained and self-cleaning environment that maintains its own health without much input from its owner. 

The female genital smell is a spectrum, just like all other human smells.  Some will be weaker, and some will be stronger.  While Western corporate culture has entire (shamefully successful) business plans built upon making females ashamed of it, I cannot stress enough that there is nothing abnormal about the female genital smell.   Even if it's strong, it's perfectly healthy if it's not an unpleasant smell.  If you find it unpleasant or are concerned others might, a healthcare practitioner should be consulted in order to verify whether or not an illness is present.  The practitioner will also be able to confirm if the smell is within the normal spectrum. 

NOTE: "Vulva" is the entirety of the external female genitalia.  Everything observable from the outside is referred to sa the vulva.

The only cleaning that healthy female genitalia need is washing once daily.  Open the thumbnail link on the right in a new window for a labelled photograph (NSFW) that will define the terms used below.

To wash properly, use your fingers and soap/shower-gel to gently but thoroughly rub the clitoral hood, labia majora, labia minora, perinium, and anus as well as all of the crevices around and amongst these parts to remove dead skin cells and daily discharge which can harbor bad bacteria and lead to illness. 

Be sure to spread and move the labia majora and labia minora around a bit to ensure that all the surface area is cleaned.  Wash from the base of the vaginal orifice upwards (toward the clitoral hood) and the from the base of the vaginal orifice downwards (across the perinium) and then towards and around the anus.  Be sure to rinse thoroughly and pat completely dry (or use a cool hair dryer). Thoroughly rinsing and rying the vulva completely is very important.

Some women don't handle soap in this sensitive region because soap is, by nature, a bit harsh. The purpose of soap is to break chemical bonds in order to remove non-living stuff from the body.  If you experience discomfort after using soap and are sure that you're rinsing completely, try organic and/or and fragrance/dye-free cleansers.  I am a personal fan of Oil of Olay Beauty Bars and Johnson & Johnson's Baby Wash for sensitive areas of my body, so don't don't think that you have to buy something really expensive if you happen to have super-sensitive vulva.

Exercise, menstruation, summer, and sex might cause the need for more frequent vuvla washings than once each day.  If you feel grubby, by all means wash!  Just don't go overboard on it or you'll be wasting your time and could cause yourself unneeded irritation (remember the "smell" paragraph above).  Irritated vulva is no joke -- Don't do it to yourself unnecessarily!

Note that there has been no mention of soap/cleanser inside the vagina or douching.  This is important!  Both are not only unnecessary, but can and will unbalance that natural female internal genital environment.  This can cause a wide range of painful conditions requiring your doctor's intervention. 

Additional reading on female genital health and cleaning.

Additional reading on douching.

~Riot.Jane

Cosmo's Weird "Untamed Va-jay-jays" Cover

Lolly.Jane snapped this picture in the checkout line at a grocrery store and kicked it my way with the Subject line "untamed WHAT?!?!?!?":

(As if women need another negative message about our nether-regions! >sigh<)

As soon as I saw the cover, I asked, "You didn't happen to thumb through it and see what that headline is about, did you?"

"No," she responded, "I was already holding up the line."  That's the Lolly.Jane I know so well . . . Terribly polite and considerate.

I went to the pharmacy to refill prescriptions and was lucky enough to find this issue while waiting.  The Table of Contents doesn't mention anything that relates to this headline.  A search of the Cosmo website for the headline comes up empty. Odd.

Put a headline like that on the cover of your magazine, then not match it in the Table of Contents?  Trying to get me to buy the magazine?  Fail.

Sooooooo, I'm forced to come up with my own definition of "untamed va-jay-jays":

Okay, maybe my interpretation is better described as "rampaging" (vs."untamed"), but this really is the picture that popped into my mind when I read that headline. 

What popped into yours?

~Riot.Jane

Choosing to Grow Young

I choose to grow young, not old.

I've been intrigued with, attracted to and dating men considerably younger than myself for a quarter of a century. Twenty five years ago the stigma was much more intense than it is now. In my mid-fifties, when I told my mother I was dating a man 20 years my junior, she had a cow! I learned to never bring the subject up with her again.

Back in the day, we had no terminology, catchphrases or labels. We were simply older women who were drawn to younger men. I broach the subject in my book,  Sexy In Your 60s, How You Can Naturally Reverse The Aging Process & Rejuvenate Your Life, and blog, www.SexyInYour60s.com, which focus on the health of our body, mind and spirit. I share with others, women especially, what's hindered and helped me over the years, things that keep me young at heart and reversing the aging process.

What can I say? I'm a woman who chooses to grow young, not old. My lust for life attracts younger men and that doesn't seem to be waning with age. Quite the opposite. The older I get the more curious they are. They pick my mind, sometimes I feel like Dear Abby. Recently I joined some Cougar/Cub sites to get a finger on the pulse. I've belonged to other date sites and always draw younger men, but not sites that are subject specific. The resounding welcome and dialogue has been fascinating and prompted me to do some research and writing of my own.

The so-called Cougar/Cub phenomenon as many know, is not new. In my book I explore the goddess cultures, go back thousands of years and guess what? Younger men and older women were an item then just as they are now. Regardless, I'm having a difficult time calling myself a Cougar. This excerpt speaks for me:

Not one to embrace the ‘Cougar’ image, I find the explanation confining and not in keeping with a truly seasoned woman, a crone. Ego need not play a part and while every woman reaps the rewards of honoring her body, the body needn’t be the sole reason to attract men, men of any age. Nor do I adhere to the inference that older women are always on the prowl, not able or interested in long term relationships. I believe that women have choices and to categorize us is counter-productive.

A crone is a woman in her third phase of life; maiden/virgin, mother, crone. A postmenopausal woman. I use the book as a platform because the crone stage is the most astounding, powerful, time of a woman's life. According to the ancients, the crone comes into her mastery on all levels including her sexual mastery. Such a hush-hush taboo subject; older women and sexuality. My friend and mentor, Dr. Linda Savage, was instrumental in awakening me to this part of myself. Her expertise flows all through my book. Savage's book, Reclaiming Goddess Sexuality:The Power of the Feminine Way takes us back into history and reminds us the ancient woman-positive cultures have a message about sexuality  that we can learn from today.

On the Internet I found amazing forward-thinking women who have websites and blogs that depict their take on the Cougar/Cub movement. Dr. Fayr Barkley, CEO of www.CougarInternational.com caught my attention with her empowering and informative articles. Dr. Fayr mirrors my old school/young school mindset. She brings into focus those things that serve us and points out those that don't. She does women and men a great service by acting as a role model that speaks to the awesomeness of womanhood. I've become one of her biggest fans and am an active participant on her website.

Another woman, Linda Franklin, her website  www.TheRealCougarWoman.com , and  author of  
Don't Ever Call Me Ma'am, impressed me with her life experiences. She too is empowering women and mirrors my opinion that regardless of our age, we are never too old to try or do something different. No one could have told me I would publish my first book at 64, or, for that matte,r speak out about my lifestyle as it pertains to younger men. Like Ms. Franklin, I encourage women to reach for their dreams and not let social dogma get in their way.

Dawn Marie Ellison, founder of www.CougarandtheCub.com, caught my attention. She sees the cougar/cub relationship as "a spiritual, emotional and sensual connection and not merely sexual." Ellison's comment speaks worlds. The ancient cultures teach  the balance of the sexual and the spiritual. In Pagan Society there was no rift between Spirituality and Sex.  Both were seen as true and vital forces, dancing in beautiful symmetry.


Regardless what we choose to call ourselves; kittens, pumas, cougars, cleos or just women, the key to it all is to stand as role models for the young people, acting responsibly and with integrity. The reality show mindset the media sells our children and grandchildren doesn't always represent the positive side of life. Much of it is based on dysfunctional conditioning that doesn't serve anyone.  It's up to us as women, cougars or not, to set the bar for those who learn from our actions; the children.

~ Joan M Bunney
   Author, Speaker, Advocate for Social Change
   www.sexyinyour60s.com

Want a Raise? Wash Your Vulva, Dammit! (Part 2)

We recently introduced you to a disgusting full-page Woman's Day magazine ad in Want a Raise? Wash Your Vulva, Dammit! (Part 1).  As promised, here's the follow-up . . . now that I'm clear-headed enough to write it.

Let's start from the top of their list . . . 

Vaginas are NOT dirty or germy in their natural, healthy state!  Health professionals have finally manged to, for the most part, eradicate the idea that we need to douche to maintain the health of our vaginas, but the myth that they smell bad is still out there. Vaginas have a smell, and much like other smells that humans have, the smell varies from woman to woman.  Sometimes it's earthy, sometimes it's sweet, sometimes it's stronger than other times.  Just because the pubic area has a smell all its own doesn't mean there's something wrong (with it or its smell or with us), or that it's bad, or that something should be done about it.  

The male genitals also have a smell all their own, one that also varies man to man.  No one markets "scrotum freshening" products to them because regular soap use is considered sufficient.  This should apply to the vulva as well, but we're supposed to feel our "most confident" by "staying fresh" down there.  Hear me, women: The only reason our natural smell could possibly affect our confidence is because we've been programmed to believe there's something wrong with it (and, therefore, with us).  Fight that programming!

The first mention of actual practical advice is not mentioned until #4!  The model is dressed in a suit, so we must assume that she is some type of a career woman in a professional environment.  This is a woman who has her act together, who's over the age of 25, who stands on her own two feet.  This is a woman who already knows how and when to feed herself and that scheduled work hours are an expectation to not be ignored. How dumb does Summer's Eve think such a woman is?  Clearly, they think she's so dumb that feeding programmed insecurities, promoting eating schedules, and lecturing about expected arrival time are more important points than creating "a list of all your important contributions and accomplishments."  A brilliant method to approach your target audience is assuming basic stupidity. 

Pornography references have no place in a advertorial about navigating the workplace!  Yes, I'm sure it was an oversight, but it's an oversight that should never happen.  Supporting documentation is a practical reminder (although so basic as to be an almost unneeded reminder to our career woman), but dear God, "You made me look good" in the "XXX project"?!  Really? No one caught that?  I would hope that a full-paged ad in a national publication would be an expensive enough endeavor that Summer's Eve would have focus-grouped said ad, but apparently that didn't happen.  If it had, some one would have mentioned "the XXX project".  Women fighting for equal pay don't need any fuel in feeling like a piece of meat.

Supporting documentation shouldn't be a list of approval quotes!  Returning to Western-culture female programming, approval is not what women in the workplace should be focusing on -- Productivity is.  Fluffy happy approval notes are suitable for informal employee feedback or appreciation, not compensation negotiation.  Documentation from superiors should include concrete items, such as tasks completed early, extra duties filled, money saved, expectations exceeded, etc.   If the job includes providing a service to others, such happy notes are useful as a method of supporting claims of high customer satisfaction but are groundless as an actual productivity measure. I've seen enlightened as well as barbaric managers make this same mistake, so seeing this advice given is doubly outrageous because if the subordinate doesn't fight it, the battle could very well not be fought.  Fight that programming!

Talk is cheap and silence is golden, but there's a fine line between a conversation and a question/answer session!  While the ad's advice to respect silence is apropos because too many women who are victims of approval-seeking programming will fill any silence of longer than two seconds with inane chatter, remember to not go too far in the other direction.  Warmth, a certain level of likability, and team cohesion are important to your long-term value to the company, and your manager is well aware of this.  Appearing cold, uncooperative, disrespectful, unfriendly, or just plain stoic probably won't help your cause.  Confidence and strength must be balanced with cooperation and respect in order to shine your professionally brightest.

Don't let the conversation get personal?!  This is a particularly tacky bit considering this ad is for a female genital perfume product. Is Summer's Eve trying to tell us that, without guarding against it, our boss will be nosing around our crotches during the negotiation?  Or are they, as I suspect, trying to imply that our externally-programmed vagina-insecurity is somehow valid rather than being an imaginary paranoia fed (in the past) by ignorance and (currently) by companies trying to market their unneeded products to another generation of skittish women they helped program?  That the only way to not offend everyone around you is to use their product so that you have a certain fresh linen smell about your nether-regions?  I can't say this strongly enough . . . Fight that programming!

The "bottom line" pun is offensive!  I can't decide whether or not this was an oversight of the caliber of "XXX project" or an intentional pun.  Either way, it sucks because females sit on their genitals.  The ostensible advice, to remember that your value to the company is based upon finances, is lost in the subtext (if I can even use that word) of your value being tied to the "bottom line".  If this had been written anywhere else, it wouldn't be offensive.  The context is both what brings out the pun and makes it offensive.

Staying "fresh" isn't important; staying "clean" is, and is really IS simple! We don't need a special product for our vulva -- just washing with normal soap daily does the job.  The lesson your mother taught you when you were a tot has always applied and will continue to apply until the day you die.  Your vulva and vagina need no different cleaning care than any other part of your body, and it certainly doesn't need deodorant! If you're worried that it does, then see your doctor to make sure nothing's wrong.  When your doctor tells you you're healthy, that your feminine smell is within the normal (wide) range of variation, throw all those damned products in the trash and learn to love yourself!

There is good advice available on this topic, why not use it?!  This is an advertorial, and that means that the point was to push their product.  While I understand that this means at least one of the number points had to be about the product, did it have to be #1?  Why not #8?  Besides the alternative advice I've offered above, there is at least two quality online articles on why women have a difficult time asking for raises that not only offer insights as to why this is but also practical advice on how to do so but also how to prepare to do so.  Why go with the air-headed powder-puff Tiger Beat-oriented information instead of the gritty, real deal, when the information is out there?  Laziness, ignorance, and a least-common denominator mindset is why.

Men receive practical advice, women receive garbage and insecurity! Check out these two articles, targeted towards men, that offer advice on how to ask for a raise.  You won't see much crossover between these advice pieces and the Summer's Eve Woman's Day advertorial. Why is this?  

We are valuable, and our perspective is all our own.  We must keep refusing to participate in that which reduces us.  Only with vigilance and constant contrariness will we achieve that which is ours to claim: cultural equality.

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The path through these woods I would like to know, but the answer lies in the distance though.  On this, the darkest night of the year, my little horse must think it queer to pause when there is no answer here.  She gives her harness bells a shake, knowing there must be some mistake.  The answers are myriad, dark and deep, and we have traveled miles without sleep. Between the woods and frozen lake, let's light the torches and grab our skates. They will not see us stopping here until long after we have refused their fear. *

~Riot.Jane

Hattie Slams Howard Stern on His Own Show!

I wanted to keep you abreast to my encounter with Howard Stern – just in case you had not heard…

Let’s go back a bit…

For months, I’d been telling people, “One of these days I’m gonna be topless on the Howard Stern Show!” I figured that being on the show would encourage other women to follow in my tracks.

Hattie RetroAge

Brazenly proclaiming what fun that would be– with strategically placed pixels, of course, I joshed, “Someone’s gotta do it…and thank God, that someone is me!”
 Tired of society’s view that being a sexy senior is a curiosity to sniggle at, I decided to show the world that this “old broad” was living life according to her desires and having sex with men half her age!

Well, my prophesy came true:

One of Howard’s producers was member of my Health Club. I asked the enrollment manager to pitch an appearance for me, and I got booked for the following week.

My decision to appear was filled with both vanity and valor. Vain because I was exhibiting my breasts like a go-go dancer and valiant because I knew I would be teased, insulted, and even laughed at. Nevertheless, this was my opportunity to get my RetroAge® message across. Knowing that I would be inspiring women to be powerful, sexual and beautiful made me impervious to any derision. Besides I knew it would be great fun!

Briskly entering the studio, I let Howard know he wasn’t dealing with your typical “old hag,” as he had been referring to me all morning on the air. In an attempt to taunt me, he leered, “It’s really disgusting for old women to sleep with young guys.”

Here was my chance to best him at his own game.

“You know, Howard, when an old guy sleeps with a woman young enough to be his daughter, society respects and reveres him. But just let an old woman sleep with young guys, and society reacts like she’s sick and disgusting.”

Then, strategically dropping my melodramatic delivery, I leaned toward him, smiled, and slowly added, “Well, Howard…

     MAJOR PAUSE…

I’m sick and disgusting!”

This unexpected comeback rendered him uncharacteristically contrite, “Okay. Hattie, you are good looking, but you’re much too old for me,” whereupon his sidekick Robin Quivers shot back, “And you’re too old for her, Howard!”

Howard Stern

Everyone in the studio cracked up.

Possibly to save face, Howard summoned the producers and engineers from the control room, asking them one by one if they would fuck me. To a man, they replied, “You bet we would!”

Then he jabbed, “Are your teeth real?”

“Everything’s real,” I replied, coyly playing with the bejeweled collar of my desgner jacket. The shock jock looked down at his notes and, almost as a dare, said “It says here that you’re going to take your top off. Is that true?”

“Yes, it is,” I replied, calmly removing my jacket. I was determined to get as much mileage as I could out of this TV appearance. I knew that the network would cover my breasts with pixels, so I wasn’t completely exposing myself… and it would be years before my grandchildren would see a tape.

Perhaps I didn’t alter Howard’s oft-uttered repulsion for older women, but It certainly gave the TV audience a good look at a senior who hasn’t chosen to been cut, stitched or injected to be sexy.

It made for a wild show that was aired three times.

Not bad for an “old hag.”

What can I say… he got the breast of me…

~Hattie RetroAge

Introducing Joan M Bunney: Couger Advocating Change

Joan M Bunney

We recently wrote about how we met and will shortly be introducing the work of Hattie Retroage here at TJP.  When we initially contacted and introduced TJP to Hattie, we had no way of knowing that she would distribute our self-written letter of introduction to a like-minded woman and author Joan M Bunney.  Joan promptly contacted us:

Dear Jane:

I am a friend of Hattie Retro-age, and like her, choose to reverse the aging process naturally, no chemicals or toxins allowed in or on my body.

I'm also an advocate for social change and speak out on relevant issues all having to do with the children's well being. Born in 1945 I've watched this health epidemic of the body and mind happen over the decades.

I wrote a book, Sexy InYour60s, to share with others, women especially, what I've learned and applied and why I'm growing young not old; a new mindset.

I've been to your website and would love to contribute, be a part of your blog. The 'older' I get the more relevant the subject matter. The elder woman is stepping forward to share accrued wisdom that will help to make change happen.

I've attached my media bio, my Sexy In Your 60s website that holds my book and journey thus far. I am just beginning the second half of life. The ancient goddess cultures tell us the seasoned woman is in her mastery at this stage of life. My purpose is to awaken women of all ages to this truth by using myself, much as Hattie does, as a live testimonial.

About to launch a new website, AgelessCougar.com to celebrate the cougar woman rather than demean her. Like Hattie, I've been attracted to and dating younger men for a quarter century. The website in part will dissuade the naysayers and the bad press. The rewards of aging are endless. ...

Best regards,

Joan M Bunney
Author, Speaker, Advocate for Social Change
JoanBunney@hotmail.com
http://www.sexyinyour60s.com/

Joan and the admins have corresponded in more depth since receiving her initial e-mail, and we're quite pleased to introduce Joan to TJP!

We are excited to see her work and grow from her contributions. 

~Riot.Jane

Want a Raise? Wash Your Vulva, Dammit! (Part 1)

Male friend trident5 kicked a DemocraticUnderground link my way with the comment, "I am wholly unqualified to offer an opinion on this."  Kowing him, I was expecting to find something nerdy/political  and bizarre enough that he, one of my Nerd Flock, would be dumbfounded.

Moments after clicking the link, my curiosity turned the corner of Geek Avenue and sped down Outrage Lane. 

What trident5 sent me was a link to a scan of a recent Women's Day full-page advertisement for a Summer's Eve product. At first glance, the model is a modernly-dressed woman, so it's clear that this is not a retro ad copy.

Click the ad to see the full-sized version. The text is difficult to read, so I replicated it immediately below the ad.  Prepare for your own personal Two Minutes of Hate:

Click the ad to see the full-sized version

Confidence at Work:

How to Ask for a Raise 

1. It should start with your usual routine and all the things you do to feel your best, including showering with Summer's Eve Feminine Wash or throwing a packet of Summer's Eve Feminine Cleansing Cloths into your bag for a quick freshness pick-me-up during the day.
2. Just as important: Be sure to eat a healthy breakfast.
3. Leave early. You don't want to be late on a day when someone will be thinking about your performance.
4. Go over your calendar for the past year, look through old files and emails. Jot down a list of all your important contributions and accomplishments.
5. Bring quotes from higher-ups to the meeting, such as "Great job on the XXX project!  You made me look good."
6. Don't be afraid of silence. Effective negotiation requires using strategic pauses.  These valuable moments allow your points to resonate and give you time to gather your thoughts.
7. Don't let the conversation stray or get personal.
8. Focus on the things you've done to improve the bottom line. Today, it's about your worth to the company.

Feel your most confident every day

Whether you're at work or at play, staying fresh isn't always simple.  Designed for daily use,  Summer's Eve Feminine Wash and Feminine Cleansing Cloths help you feel clean and confident from the beginnning of your day to the end.

How do I hate thee?  Let me count the ways.  Which I will do in a later post after I manage to reclaim my brain.

Feel free to comment or submit your impressions before I make my second post.

~Riot.Jane

Meeting Hattie RetroAge: Cougar Extroardinaire

I watched an episode of TLC series {Strange}SEX for the very first time last week.  The particular episode I saw was about "cougars", or older women who date younger men (the show defined it specifically as women aged 40+ who pursue men at least 8 years their junior).

Hattie RetroAge



In this episode, viewers get to know 73 year old Hattie RetroAge, a woman who lives, loves, laughs, and has sex freely.  She's a divorced mother who, upon her divorce in her late 40s, picked her life up from the point in her early 20s at which she married.  She posts completely accurate internet personals and receives 30-50 responses whenever she does.  w00t!



There are more men out there wanting to date older women than I thought. Since she's long past the stage of wanting a wedding ring and children, she's a great prospect to men who are avoiding that type of situation. Add to this that she was a professional dancer and has remained active and in excellent shape, and the Hattie picture becomes more clear. w00t!

In the episode I watched, we get to know Hattie, her adult son, and 33 year old Ron. By the end of the episode, Hattie and Ron will have gone on their first date together. The date seemed to go well; they seemed to hit it off, and the viewer is left with the thought that they will see each other again. w00t!

I'm normally not into "reality tv," but this series seems to be done in a documentary style that wasn't nearly as prurient as the topic matter would indicate. I realized that Hattie would make a wonderful addition to TJP, so I Googled her, found her e-mail address, and sent her an e-mail in which I praised her for being true to herself, introduced TJP, and asked her to consider reading and/or contributing.

Hattie's response arrived overnight:

It was an honor to receive your lavish praise, thank you.

It is as shocking to me as it may be for others to view a women in her 70's, without surgery or shots or hormone replacement, emerge as a sex object! To understand how this happened I reviewed my past involvements: In the 60's I wrote the first Organic Certification Form in America! So individual respendent health has been my focus for decades. Add to that my years as a dance teacher to pre-schoolers. They imparted a spirit that is implanted in my marrow. And...I love expressing love. (often referred to as sex!)

At this point I am involved in creating a paying career to carry me thorugh the next 20 years! I had been working as a healer, however my body developed fibromyalgia and arthritis, so I had to re-create a life as a writer/speaker on exquisite aging. ... The career of my choice is to be a newscaster with a regular spot to discuss issues of aging. If you have any contacts that could help me achieve this, I would be infinitely grateful.

Keep it up, dear Jane,

Hattie

hattie@hattieretroage.com
http://www.holisticallyhattie.com/
http://www.bestcruisesandtravelnow.com/ (sponsoring my THE EMPOWERED WOMAN CRUISE in January)

Hattie has already published three books available on Amazon and has agreed to contribute some of her previous and future work to TJP.  If any of you have any contacts for Hattie, please comment!

I can't wait to see Hattie's work!

~Riot.Jane

Urban Outfitters Sells Pro-Anorexia T-Shirt

Urban Outfitters T-Shirt

Even I was surprised at the intensity of my reaction to the Urban Outfitters "Eat Less" t-shirt. 

Just seeing it nauseates me, and I'm the girl with a collection of intentionally-offensive t-shirts. 

I saw the shirt and this write-up two months ago, and it still makes me insensible to the point that I can't even coherently write about it.

Regardless of what Urban Outfitters says about this product or the public reaction to it, the fact that the filename includes the word "anoreixic" indicates someone, somewhere in their organization understood the message. The photographer certainly did -- Yet another listless, starving model in clothes that make her look even younger and sicker than she probably is.

I've dug around, and I can't find a response from Urban Outfitters even at this late date.  All I can find is that they've pulled the shirt from their online store but not from their stores.

Since I'm beginning to Taz out again just thinking about it, I'll just share it with you, hoping to provoke conversation.

Am I just hyper-sensitive, or is this thing really as sick as I think it is?

~Riot.Jane

Video: "Women's Issues"

Discovered on YouTube, this video's creator xEmiAtrophyx says:

      This is a TV ad I made for a project that was assigned in my graphic art class. We had to choose a world issue and make an organization that raises awareness about it. My partner and I chose Women's Issues, and for this ad, we focused on eating disorders, and the affects childhood toys have on some girls.

~Riot.Jane
   

Ralph Lauren Ad: Wrong on So Many Levels

Greetings to the Ladies Jane!

Today I've stubled upon an odd intersection of feminism and digital rights to share with all of you. My two favorite subjects, rolled into an unlikely bitter pill. This doesn't happen often, so I'm going to enjoy it!

The Ralph Lauren Blue Label ad to the right was originally posted (and commented upon) at the PhotoShop Disasters blog. Apparently, Ralph Lauren objected to said activities and issued a bogus DMCA takedown notice ("bogus" because Fair Use includes criticism).

Since Blogger's policies include automatic removal of content subject to any in/valid DMCA takedown notice, the PhotoShop Disasters post disappeared.

The Streisand Effect immediately came into play, and that's how the outraged feminist in me stumbled upon this advertisement glorifying a soul-crushingly unobtainable female body shape. Thank God for the Streisand Effect, otherwise I would have missed my weekly dose of self-righteous indignation! >only slight hyperbole<
Yes, Blogger also happens to host TJP. As a result, the picture you see to the right is actually residing on a TechDirt server. In fact, because of Blogger's policy to remove any subject of an in/valid DMCA takedown request, all pictures in this post are actually links to files residing on servers that in no way belong to me. I hope those server owners will forgive my poor digital manners because I'm doing this to both prove a point and keep this post alive, not to suck their bandwith.

As for the myriad issues with the advertisement itself, suffice it to say that this is a knuckle-dragging step backwards from the news of recent years that indicates a glacially changing (but changing!) international perspective among swimwear designers, magazine editors, runway model organizers, clothing designers, and a portion of the French fashion industry in the unconscionably thin body types displayed by these industries during the entirety of my lifetime.

Of particular interest is the case of Crystal Renn. In her book Hungry: A Young Model's Story of Appetite, Ambition, and The Ultimate Embrace of Curves, she discusses the experience of having lost 70 lbs to land a $250K modeling contract while still in high school. Suffice it to say that while she had that $250K contract, she looked like this:

Eventually, surviving on "lettuce with a side of batshit" caused a break. One day, "something snapped," leading her to quit her agency and move to the Plus Size division of Ford Models. She now shoots fashion campaigns for the likes of Jean Paul Gaultier, Dolce & Gabbana, and UK clothing chain Evans. This is what Renn looks like today -- Healthy, happy, and the most successful American plus-sized model:

You can read more about Renn's experience and book here and here.

Posting this recent picture of Renn brings into focus the sharp contrast between it and the monstrous Ralph Lauren ad above. I've studied design at an undergrad level, so I can usually figure out what ads that fail were trying to accomplish, who their target market was, even if they missed that target. This ad that someone intentionally altered to glorify an impossible-to-achieve crack-whore/cancer-patient silhouette simply baffles me from a design perspective. I can't figure out their target market except to know with utter conviction that I was not part of it. Because of this atrocious ad, I will never, ever purchase anything from the label, even as a gift.

Note to Ralph Lauren: When your model's head appears larger than her pelvis, you have created a side-show freak, not an attractive living mannequin for your clothes, so you might want to reconsider the message your freak is sending about your product.

Renn is a realistically-shaped, realistically beautiful woman. She looks like someone that I might befriend, someone that high school girls who aspire to be models (like she once was) might one day become. The fact that this woman is considered "plus size" (just look at her!) astounds me.

Renn is the archetypal beautiful, healthy woman. She is what we need to be portraying as beautiful and glamorous to not only our girls but to the never-good-enough half of the adult population that is female. If we're to ever win the fight for the hearts, minds, and souls of our females, we have to practice what we preach, live what we speak, and further what we write.

That we cannot discuss an advertisement (with legal digital supporting material) that doesn't further a corporation's monetary aims without legal bullying (I am looking at you, Ralph Lauren) and without the recourse the law provides (I'm looking at you, Blogger) is a powerful statement about who has the power in this country.

I, for one, do not generally believe that just because Big Money always has the power that it is always right. I, in fact, believe that in the vast majority of cases, the power that Big Money wields is morally (if not legally) wrong. In this case, it is both. Releasing that ad was morally wrong, and submitting a bogus DMCA takedown notice was legally wrong. Since Blogger is complicit in the injustice, PhotoShopDisasters cannot fight back.

We can. Just a little, but we can.

Comment on this post. Tell us how you feel. Drive traffic to this post. E-mail it to everyone you know. Post about it in other blogs that have audiences that care either about women's issues or digital rights, or both. Write a letter to Ralph Lauren, include a copy of the ad. Write about how their ad affects you, personally; women, as a group; and us, as a culture. Write about how their ad is a throwback to an earlier time, and how shamed they should feel. Talk to people: About Crystal Renn, about the small changes we've been seeing in the perspective in the fasion world, about the importance of actual humans as the people we see, not painted stick figures that couldn't possibly be alive. Demand that companies that sell the products you buy use advertising that features people who look like people who could actually exist.

Read. Write. Talk. Demand. Change begins with us.

~Riot.Jane

Ralph Lauren ad: TechDirt
Crystal Renn then: The Sun
Crystal Renn now: The Sun