Dear Janes,

I wasn’t sure about writing this. I don’t like talking about stuff with anyone who isn’t like me. I really don’t even know if this a topic about “women,” but I am one and this is about me. I am an addict. I’m not just addicted to one thing, I have multiple addictions. I smoke, I drink every night after work, I do cocaine on the weekends and holidays. I smoke pot, every single day. I have never, not once, tried to stop.

Because of the things I do I’m pretty much regularly out of control. I am consistently in bad situations. I have been beaten, raped, had car accidents, lost jobs, been arrested; I’ve served jail time more than once. Yet I never try to quit. When I think about living without my addictions I feel like I can’t breath.
My family has no idea I live like this. I live in a different state, and my mother actually thinks I’m still married to a man I haven’t been with in 3 years. He left me because I was a wreck. The thing is, NOBODY knows about this. Not even my friends.

I don’t really know where I’m going with this.

Maybe I just wanted to tell someone...


  1. Jane,

    I'll just say it Love, you need help. I'm sure you know that, I think that's most likely why you posted here at Jane. I hope we can be a support to you in this process. I hope that you'll confide in someone. I hope that you can start on the long road to getting better. I hope against hope it is soon.

    Thank you for sharing yourself with us. You are so much more brave than you think.

  2. That you even say you're a wreck and out of control is indicative of your survival instinct kicking in, as is this (even though anonymous) outstretched hand.

    Keep reaching. We'll grab it. We'll give you as much support, guidance, laughter, and tears as you can handle. Just keep reaching.